Countdown to delay

The countdown had commenced as I was looking toward the finish line for deployment.  I had homecoming events planned to include making a birthday cake for my oldest just a few days late, a romantic night out with my husband, and of course, just being able to hold my baby boy in my arms again.  I packed my bags and left out only those items needed to maintain daily functioning here as I awaited my replacement so I could leave with my team.  Until the phone rang with my commander on the other end.

I had been warned prior to Easter that I might be extended by a week or two until my replacement could arrive.  I would miss the awards ceremony, and I would leave alone, but it would not be a long amount of time.  While that was difficult to hear, it still allowed me the opportunity to be home around Father’s Day.  I wanted to leave with my team, but if I had to stay, there were worst case scenarios.  My commander’s final words were, “I’m fighting for you not to have to stay.”  

The phone stayed silent and no further word was given until almost a month after that first phone call.  The first words from her mouth were, “If you had to stay, would you volunteer to extend?”  I wanted to say, “Are you actually listening to yourself?”  I was able to maintain military bearing enough to repeat back the question word for word to ask if that was what she meant.   My two weeks have turned into an unknown time frame and a whole new set of scenarios.  My team, who I have been blessed to work with, will leave and I start again with a whole new set of individuals.   My position and location are unknowns…. All that is known is that I am not coming home on time and that I will be asked to extend voluntarily again when the new commander assumes command.  I am now at the mercy of “the needs of the Army.”

My team is preparing to go.  I am in charge, so I get to prepare their paperwork for redeployment.  Screenings occur to help each individual as they return to their home station.  I watch feeling like part of the team and yet an outsider looking in.  When their final return date was announced, there was a wave of sadness that settled in.  I know they are going home and that I must stay.  That date would eventually come, and somehow, the knowledge of the finality of that date makes the process real… almost tangible.  I am remaining behind and I will say goodbye to my team.  The same team who helped me through this process and I with them.  Together, we were able to revitalize this mission and keep our little clinic going in some of the most adverse situations.  They have become my family.  I know they must leave as their time has ended, but that still does not mean that I will not miss them. 

In the Army, we all have a mission to complete on paper.  It is the basic tasks for the appointed position.  I have completed my paper mission.  I ran my 100 miles that I set as a goal for myself before my team went back.  I completed my other personal goals as well, but apparently there is still more work to be done in this city and my higher mission is not yet achieved.  God has His own time frame and He has a plan for me.